Nothing Routine about Routine

I had my intra-articular hip injections done again yesterday. It's about an every four month event for me, give or take a little. This time it'd been a little over three months, but it was time. It's routine for me, but may not be for you. Yet there is nothing really routine about it.


This time my pain came back sooner - probably related to the fact that my RA is all out of sorts - progressing and active for the past several months. Which is why my pain specialist said it was ok that it hasn't been the required four months - it was time.


I got to the hospital and got a chuckle out of the fact that the gal checked me in and said, 'well you know where everything is, right?' What else can I do but laugh at it? I'm a frequent flyer and there is no use being bothered by it - is what it is. They let me know all the rooms were full so it'd be a while before I could go up to the pain clinic area. To my happy surprise it opened up quickly and I headed upstairs.


My blood pressure was high, and it usually is not in this situation, so I knew I needed to relax and try to get myself in a better place mentally to go have my procedure done. I went into the surgical room and got up on the table, ready to go. It's funny how little things can throw you off when you're trying to stay in a good place. The nurse didn't have two of everything ready for the surgeon. Being that I get bilateral each time, I need two of everything. He was patient, she got the stuff, I assumed what was going on by the conversation I could hear, but no one told me. I waited. As I waited I got off track mentally. They usually have a nurse that helps you to stay calm when the pinch, pain and pressure come. There wasn't that person this time. I stared at the smiley face on the x-ray machine above my body, trying to breath! The awkwardness of the fact that you lay on a table uncovered and exposed got to me yesterday too. All in all I did not do a good job of staying in a calm space. And in the end my blood pressure was even higher. Pain does increase your blood pressure, but I know I can influence that, and despite my best attempts, I did not influence it in a good way yesterday.


Now when you have a chronic illness and you have many routine appointments, medications and procedures that are anything but routine to the masses, you the patient and those close to you start to fall into the pattern of these things being just routine. Doesn't sound bad except for that I'm still human and they're still human. At times I think we go into these routine situations expecting ourselves to not have emotions arise that may not feel good. That requires being mindful of the routine situation all the way through. Again, I didn't do so well with that yesterday.


I expected those close to me to ask how I was, or how it went yesterday. And I honestly don't think that it's a fair expectation for me to ask them to act like it's not routine. And how can I expect them to know which time I need them to be compassionate and then which time I'm ok and good to go without a lot of hoopla and attention. It's a catch twenty two. And it's not fair. But I am human, and even in routine, there is not always anything routine about it.


I think for those of you that don't live with chronic illness and all that it brings, this transfers over to your routine routines as well. Every person deals with their own routine situations. And most of us have expectations of those close to us, whether fair or not, arise within us. No matter how big or small, we owe it to ourselves to be introspective and mindful. We owe it to those close to us and our families to create the best habit energy possible in how we deal. But we are all human, and for all of us there are times when there is nothing routine about our routines.